Tonje Høydahl Sørli

tapestry, comics and random writings

Visit My Deliberate

Homepage Damn It!

feelings, feelings,

and then you write

friend fiend and brother

wound wound and bother

talk is not

its in your hand and your movement

looking at my veins again

is she activated

activating is

feelin

struggle and a,

my christmas high

was to save bird from cat

oh so little,

beeking

yellow chest and rapid heart

open windows

tell me

ideas ideas and then you write,

wigs and lipstick, vodka plastic

along a slope

do you remember, oh well christ,

I dont have alzheimer,

write me how to thrive

while your friends repeat your traumas.

The Quilt and the Beggar 1/Woman in Tower

of Song

From My Point of View/

All lyrics ©Tonje Høydahl Sørli

All lyrics. ©Tonje Høydahl Sørli

/poems / texts:

Her Life Seems Dull

-dont write about black buzzers!

ok?

-yepsipepsi

sorry

-handsome men then?

Il`l write about them.

Truth Hurts

sorrow lost and sorrow won

did you get

what I`ve been plundering(ja jeg har altså plyndret på dette)* on:

I have

a blooming brain.

(song ref Sun has Gone, Broken Twin)

Cruel Deeds 3

Er det ikke godt å ha noen å hate?

når ble det greit

"å ta noen"

og også ha tid til det?

Tender Plants to Grow This Year

Im the

bid me

but I

I am

of

they make use of my

but then I

I never show

I never show

you know, I never show

Im little little

brittle

lights and movecontrol

waking up in fright

keeping out of sight

see their gardens growing

blooming, taking over

greens and yellows

flowerbuds and watery leaves

--- .---

I hid in your mothers

behind bushes

she telling me to leave

oh please

I begged,

let me have a face

but Im little little

brittle

lights and movecontrol

I never show

I never show

you know, I never show

Team Me, June

Squirrel Nut Zippers! Pallin with Al

Farao, Sparks Edith Piaf said it better

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

--------v--

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

--------v--

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

-----------

----------

----------

-----

----

----------

----

-------

---

Brush Your Teeth! & Floss

P p pepsodent!

P p p pepsodent!

di di de dea da

di di dea da

just listened to

some old tunes

trippin, like, not my head,

but with feet(tippittopptoe)

you got it wrong

kept me bottled

stuffed back then

could be a package of crackers

a boquet of flowers

that smother, wither

if you dont get a smell, a taste

of everyone of them

if this is (was)

difficult to grasp

Id say

Id say

Id say

(hallaljua)

your head is filed with cotton

so, Cottonhead

give me a smile

like, Pepsodent!

Pepsodent!

yeah Pepsodent!

To a Specialist, On Musicality

yu were so so wrong(x2)

yu were so so wrong(x2)

yu were so so wrong(x2)

lyrics without musicality

well, perhaps you should try to sing them

staccato

staccato

staccato

I bet you`d get them working then.

1.Bloom! & Jolly Future!

Fathers Dismay

he:

dear meet my girl

she is soft and light

today today

eating down into plates

turning cups and glasses

silence burning

its to slice

silence burning

the food is good good

buts the fathers dismay

dear meet my girl

she is soft and light

today today

they say we can choose

the partner we want

but whats it gonna cost

when the father dismay*

* this is not my father, its a scene from a restaurant. Seen from the side, that be me, two tables away.

Apothek, Inheritance

Sia:Chandelier

Stevens, McAlister mfl, : Venus, Mercury Saturn

jeg skriver fortsatt, og skulle gjerne skrevet for noen som London Grammar igjen

2. Pressure & Motherhood, this is theme in the piece Bloom! & Jolly Future!

Bob Dylan, >>>>The Times They are A-Changing. GO pop-lyrics!!. Society__>

All That We´ve Become

Losers Can Win(ref Starwalker)/

Alice Boman/ Jaakko Eino Kalevi, Be Mine

Amason, Kelly & Yellow Moon

My Old

in the cafe

your voice it floats,

it used to

now I hear

you tellin lies about me

you forget to have a look

around the corner

where I am

where I am

tapping finger to

my favourite band

spoon in my coffee

empty hands

spoon in my coffee

empty hands

you are,

so far from truth

so far from truth you are.

The Return of Writer/

to Emilie

they say

with windows open

little is to fear,

but you know

the truth:

There are nothing more dangerous

than words,

in the bar their eyes gleiten

they want him to switch

just to have proof

if he muttered,

no but he wont:

I will never greet you as

the old friend you are

I know your gaze, posture

and hand

I remember a sentence, the shock

and smells,

in the bar their eyes gleiten

they want him to switch

just to have proof

artists learn skills noone else does

they play with genders and feelings

and become what others are

its not the same as

being a man.*

Arrival

I see his smile

in you

you

I see his smile

in you

you

I hear his laughter too

in you

you

and

his way,

his

how are the words he tell

does he whisper,

what does he do,

they owe me

in all their human ways?

Though even Bob Dylan

says winners are not like that,,

so we will enter the outside

and walk in mud,

and thats when

we realize:

We always lived our indoor

lives in surround.

Frazey Ford, September Fields & Done

Erlend Øye: Rainman

Smashing Pumpkins, Lily(My One and Only)

Leonard, Rest in peace,

& The Future Album 1992

voice

so dark

from the 1st floor

my parents playing music

when I was twelve

I looked at them

and got somehow

a grip on what music does:

It fills your head

and life with joy.

When Talking, /Humour and the Spirit that Slipped of the Page or / When I Tried to Stop Being the Altruistic and Anonymous Writer but Failed and Started a Yearlong Mourning /

When Talking

I didn`t

All lyrics ©Tonje Høydahl Sørli

Whats the lyrics about?

17th June 2017

My Manic And I,

Laura Marling,

Å ha ei lyte/skade

(credits to some that showed me this song) Listening then as someone that once lost a ring, and too as with the writing tendencie to find my

own story in anything:

The morning is mocking

and the birds are singing to calm them down,

My Manic And I

The fairy tale end

noone beleived it,

keep your head up

cse some still have,

of brothers and cousins and

evenings with friends,

others have become the manic,

& stand in trials to tell

that there`s no no illness in me,

no I am harmed by relations

like in the past,

and cse him,

met you with a hardened look,

down by that river filled with ducks,

you girl went too far

well,

one day his eyes were blue,

the next brown,

scorn & silent face,

and the travel of words on you as

a living hell

is emotional abuse my friend

so you dont believe him,

no but what with the confusing feeling of someone

that is hot or cold,

so you become the manic,

their faces filled with anothers

instead of their own,

so who are you then,

someone like Lenü,

but her aspirations in your way,

so he says

this is enough,

we went to far,

this is why we are ill,

and of a sudden

In the middle of the concert

he`ll get the throw,

her words a gift, I know,

with a beautiful voice,

no, whats the point in writing

songs* if noone really

hear you.

*its a referance in a referance!

Cass Mccombs: Bum Bum Bum,

Fleet Foxes, White Winter Hymnal

Lars Vaular: Dessverre

P J Harvey: The Ministry of Defence

Bowie: Girl Loves Me

John Grant: Grey Tickles, Black Pressure

Nick Drake: ´Cello Song

No Harm, Editors

Cold Mailman: Petra Pan & Something You Do.

Female Gaze

is

on

Hands

To turn

around and

there you stood

tan an all

The Wronged

:she

:he

:shrink

the shrink said

there are two types of

violence:

One is physical,

the other is psychological,

and the psychological

often comes first,

its the silence in between,

the secret smiles and little laughters

its the neglect of feelings, the

public mocking and emotional shield

is the sudden turnings, gaslighting

and no regrets

is the withdraw, the no answer,

you as noone and the other without

dissociative tendencies

Looking Back on The Year

submissive women

lie down low

till the fun is over

how how then

how then

practise

regulary training

yeah triceps

and those thighs

let live

the homelife

of todays women

we look into each others eyes

and admit

we`re damaged

though its not the truth

let live

the homelife

of todays women

we do yoga on the

kitchen floor

and regret

ever having been

on Tinder.

Fake Tapes & lamb B / /

I I I I messages

I I messages

music

Id do it again

Id do it again

I I I I messages

I I messages

you me

me am you

its you in me’

and you me

in

I I I I messages

I I messages

music

Id do it again

Id do it again *

Dissociated Gaze, To Those that Freeze Because of Trauma

c`mon

c`mon

you a true

should not

stand in line to mock

frozen gazes,

dissociated states

frozen gazes,

and x5

oh ah I am a true believer

but in justice no not anymore

your hand without blood

and arm swings

from the carrying of you

body without any feeling

how then to defend

yourself

well, I will tell you:

The real trouble is,

you cant,

c`mon

c`mon

we all have faults,

but what of beliefs

later you ask,

why did you not

scream

but people in frozen states

and immobility

dont talk or fight

and later

that colors everything

Behaving, Shower..Spooky song..

Scorn

oh the inner anger

givin you

manuscripts the pile

one a life

all of

shameful moments

returning

one by one

are those

hating yourself

so you turn covert

I think you know

swallowing my pride

then dancing with you

I wanted my head

on your shoulder

it the slow dance

fitting there

it does

it does

my head on your shoulder

a pit for me

my head and your nose

know you now how I smell

pointing this direction

was a stitched road

my head on you shoulder

but now

my chin falls down your sleeve

too old

I am am

too old

sad then I have been

letting go of

the fuel it is to scorn

Daniel Kvammen, On Truth & Friendhip in your youth, LINK

Apparently I´ve lost my discog! Has anyone seen it?....................oh and carry me home, please.

And a movie: Everyone working with social welfare/NAV should go and see I, Daniel Blake

They Knew About the Brain

Another movietip: Småfugler/Prestir &

Vaiana

Stop bullying: Kent/Friends Hålla Käften

Sailing in Stripes*

uniform at sea

it a salty eye and candyme

sayin you are my only friends,

made me feel sorry for all of us,

and then as always someone faked a traged death

me crying then to pier

and lay lifless as always too

in printed summerdress

and then you lifted your glass

evil and unmature

or was it me imagining your

cruelty

salty eye, queen and Anna(e)

salty eye, queen and Anna(e)

king and all the rest

cowardice was to never tell the truth

wood, wood,

I see your mother

And now I am scaring you.

* This on: Roleplay(in a gang of friends) was a thing in the 2000nd. We were kings, queens & court.

Usage &

Choir:

We never say

come lets celebrate,

your text in my video & we won,

or as the,

its the background to which we fall,

but the party left us high

and the invitation out of our hand,

to soon,

though everyone know

you could need a little glam,

closed the door

when you tried to enter

said, no, this is the

party within the party,

its not for you,

and then lets get

married again

again

lets get married again

again

He: You see m back

in your floor

the meeting with lawyers,

I was there,

sitting with my face away there too

while my comrads

glared at you

sad that you ended

in a court alone

sad sad too

sad sad yo

yo

Murakami, Sunday Thrown Out Hand

in a show of

past and future

can you tell my haired* friend

on the pier

to never look worried at

me again

smiling no

but that was I

to the japanese in me

bluish hear and pink

umbrella,

no sunburn,

trips away,

I have been put since

-95

smiling no

but that was I

to the japanese in me

bluish hear and pink

umbrella,

well, oh hello

well, oh hello

smiling no

but that was I

to the japanese in me

Ferrante is alive(?)

perhaps she is a victim of modern marketing strategies! The day she if so receives the nobel prize

in literature will be interesting.

Please read my pushbutton-texts!

I Want to Be an Artist too

isnt it strange

put the wrong man in an artists shoes

and he becomes a millionaire

but, we dont walk in gold

sometimes we dont even eat x2

no extensive, expensive clothing,

silk or the specially harvested cotton

since nmet

lifes been steep

crying in the department for

social welfare again

turning conversations

and having his father to my

every dinner, his voice so subtle,

well I can see the fox in everyone,

so I said, I am Tonje Høydahl Sørli, and you cant do this to me, you will give back my daughter what comes from me

so I said, I am Tonje Høydahl Sørli, and you cant do this to me, you will give back my daughter what comes from me

I must admit I was so afraid

of him I made him

a text with him as the baby,

but, we dont walk in gold

sometimes we dont even eat x2

artists are poor Chief,

try that,

and youll get the

feeling of true tragedy

and then you can write me.

But being Dory, I suppose that already has happened.*

Someone to Watch over Me

jeg hører på jazz og katten

ett ullpledd og, da jeg var nitten

sa det hissig i meg,

dro Min Besværlige Venninne

til Italia og ble soloartist,

da jeg var nitten, sa det,

puttet jeg en mann i en

kvinnes sko bare fordi jeg

var redd for ham,

ligger det i nakken

for den bøyer jeg

men som nittenåring,

han hadde svarte øyne

og det kvikke blikket,

han satt på rommet mitt

og var imponert over en oppgave

jeg hadde skrevet om det tidligere

Jugoslavia, en tyrkitaliener i en gruppe

skadeskutte mennesker hadde landet

på en folkehøyskole i Lillehammer,

men hvorfor tok han

Den Besværlige Venninna

fra meg, og med seg, jeg husker ikke,

den selvbevisste og veslevoksne venninna mi, satt han på et tog, skramlet gjennom

Europa, mens han sølte kaffe på henne?

En flekk her, og en flekk der,

som blåe ringer under øyne,

nei, en gang stablet jeg ham

på beina, han var uten pust,

jeg vet ikke,

mennesker med skader,

vi ødelegger for hverandre,

mens vi vet altfor godt hva

verden trenger,

og hvis jeg møtte ham igjen

ville jeg ikke nevne Venninna

eller noe annet,

for jeg har glemt

og det er sikkert noen andre

glade for.

Retraumatisation in Bricks &

Building*

hi saw you in the other car

driving mountainhigh

only to forget the weekend

lost

been walking alone snow

a girl to :

was what he

bet a smile

buttonhole close to heart

he melted

watched her

secrets,

secrets

you come my way

never

wanted

one

love men who

talk n walkn truth n never lie

how

many

should

step

out

with lack in beliefs

did you call me , I asked,

and they smiled,

no that wasnt me,

leaving then

and not sad

no wont walk in

old misery again.

I Am Another,

shuffled through the streets

a tired santa with

his white beard

came to my door

and said he was

another too

: I am a woman deep

inside, was that

the thing then,

: Just as you are

a man,

his eyes were scared,

so I thought, oh no

I know who sent you

to climb my stairs,

once I saw that in

m m m m m too,

and to say goodbye to

people that I like,

yes Id rather stand in

a crowd

and see you do well

on stage,

and now to tell you:

I was never a man,

but once, in a moment,

I took a mans best traits

just to survive.

Tracing Underdog

see it a wedding day

mouth fell out

took his part

didnt you

I guess that is

called

sympathizing with the aggressor*

so you left

take his ill behaviour

shuffle it aside

then grab the speech

and little faults,

your coughing, moaning

or the sigh,

and tell everyone

what those really meant

&

that would be

anything but love,

right?

* To sympathize with the aggressor= in relationships: simply put, to, out of fear, take the perspective of the one who scares you..

Kulturuke/ & Elana

I leant and said Vold

(its a bargain for lost souls)

and you didnt smile

to reply

Jan Erik Vold?

No

sorry, guy,

I just tried to tell you:

I am writing

so I turned around and

asked

for help

artists

know

whats it to

lose

faces grow in

seriousness

with age

we struggle with

inner anger at having

made such

an awful choice*

and you,

after horses once,

in the wrong end

too many start

their careers with looking down

They Knew About the Brain

They Knew About the Brain

Goodie

y y y ya

y

y y y ya

y ü

y y y a

y

ü

wearing glasses Harry Potter style

and web

for changing past

p p herhaps

use insta to do that

o o o or

or imagine

our begone hero

using wiki to

establish truths

why not,

afterall

we all know

she is gone

for good this time.

Whats the lyrics about? 11 april 2017

Kärlekens vånda & krigets

helvete

24th april 2017*

sometimes i wanna say

but again: it is you and me

when he dragged me down the stairs

as he was tellin me

why he was gonna inspire me

so when let outside again

after i had peed the cellarfloor

i whispered thank you didnt i

thank you

for making two of me

sometimes i wanna say

but again, it is you and me

but then you put on his sly smile

and angry eyes

you hiss when you pass me

so no the neighbours enroll

id love to beg you

choose again, cse

why would you be like that

oh inspired,

i wrote songs

on maltreatment

didnt i

but no,

i am supposed

to find him in every man

where s your cape

cause one need heroes

no, guess you rather

slay me in the same old scene

its the slamming and his voice

passing me

as he says

whore*

* this is a text-throw-back to 2005, though written in 2017.

Nähe, Thankful Song

Thought On

the ballet Sleepless Beauty,

Nasjonalballetten,

Oslo 7ht May 2017

Persefone & the rest

it a mans hand on your chest and neck

and me walking into

the foajé

as I say abuse, abuse, abuse

to lay in love

is to have man above

till the mothers eyes

turn sore

blackn white suites

and them holding apartments

for little lovers

without regard to any other

like a child walking into

sleepless nights as her mum

working double shifts again

couldnt that make

a beauty, blackened eyes

till the mountain as a curtain

his finger pointing to th sky

and then they fold

her green dress and possible

evil plans for futuristic towns,

till the end that I loved:

Curtain, drapery, and the

lift of her

yes

he lifted her.

A Private and Public Matter,

Embedded Dreams

In 2005

he lost a girl:

He had let her guide them

into the Stenersen home

those white walls

and the hidden closet where I lay

was it a day, a week,

I nolonger know,

spiders, dark,

they examined my

plans for written and future scripts

through the closed door,

and my love was

one of them,

though he cried

when he found me

in the corner

I forever cut him off

later I was to be the

psycopath,

but I know

I have empathy

no I wouldnt giggle

when anyone scared

and I wouldnt laugh

if you lost yourself

or your authorship.

Pamflet 4:

Luskende:

Moren::

Pamflet 3:

Pamflet 2:

Pamflet 6:

Pamflet 5:

Shore

FFF*

high heels heading out-

I was told to leave a lovers night,

heard him whisper

fff

fff

fff

as I walked,

oh no oh

my pinkerbell,

I that got so many things to tell,

had a folder

with that name,

started in a kitchen 2000,

a sudden comfort

from a man

gave me a secret crush,

so

I wrote poems

that later accidently ended in all ears

fff

gone, of course,

who I wrote back then

was of a brochy family,

but thats oh so long ago

(17)(or so)

Giblets, Gibbons, Burglar,

My Last Song(2017)

(Thankyou & Sorry)

are awaiting

are awaiting

a break down

7 year old

7 year old

song

7 year million

7 year million

song

with no friends

in music buisness

its bisniss

they say

she lives in a one room apartment

but

we want the world to bow

in the hall of fame

we are nothing but burglars

but, whatever,

noone will know.

Radiohead,

Oslo Spektrum 6th June 2017

Alle Ble Flaue/ Aa Bb Fau

Aaa Bbbb Faaau

(efil ym fo flaH)

(half of my life I fooled my loved)

Thoughts on daydreaming and a concert,

writing then as some strange lady

amongst audience,

and how do we listen to noise,

its in the background,

and what I hear is on

men in a row

they love(hope that you) it when you choke,

happy to serve you, were you,

Thom Yorke and every true musician,

no glam or glitter,

but knowledge, warmth and a strange glare,

some affects perhaps,

moves o a girl I cannot see,

she moves her body and Thom

does too,

sweetfaced ones that

we all can love,

thats whats happen when

you think youre in place,

perhaps a future in a song,

creator has a kit to make

an identity to come forth

in a once loved,

sadly, Groundhogday makes

no way,

no, truth will mess you up,

the true tale of your life will mess you up,

him a grey jacket, that hair,

always a new door, endless corridors

and then the sudden smirk.

All this to say:

love, love to Radiohead.

Sweet Faced Ones

We All Can Love*

as I walked by

her eyes hit your cheek

side by side

in your window

you lowered your head

oh no no

this i thisi girl

is in love

thisi girl

this i thisi girl

is in love

lit a fire to the bone

when you

hired her a room

didint you

perhaps this too

going to be

a part of a three year long

smearcampaign?

Then I`ll come by

only to see her gaze

hit your face

again n again

nagain

nagain

yeah.

Reverse in Hand & Backwards Give

oh why

dont give me

whats mine,

50 000 from my

solitary fund

and she wouldve

had a room on her own

did he regret it

as he stopped

my reverse in hand

no dont do this to me

I I I that wrote songs

and verses from my

little town

we sat on the beach

and he fell in love

with any other than me

piles of books and him

perhaps as south

as any man

in north can be

so you lay me down

said

if you dont behave

your belt lit a light

till I scratched myself *

left marks

on my chest

didnt I

him road

was a backwards give

said

did you hurt yourself

or me

& this is me flogging

a love I know

So This is Where We Have Met, 26 aug 2017

aaaa

so this is where we met

some harsh lit in yours

as I say

this is where we met

neck

aaaa

so this is where we met

a yard, a stair,

aaaa

truth is

a

I dont remember a thing

tongue

aaa

so this is where we met

giggle

mmm

aa

I dont remember

any

of

you

scar

mmm

then mock me

aaa

till this ends again

down

are there really none

that will not turn and whisper as I leave

in the corner of my eye

this what I see:

giggle, say

the guys made me

oh thats what you are

some gang of friends

that have not yet realized

how to greet

the one we love.

Ties/ laces*

bookmarker hold

a little secret friend

always found them

when am was in town:

shoelaces, thread,

mmmnn

mmmn

in red, brown,

never submarine though,

I was so young

and noone remembered

nn

the next day

followed as the next

he carried me

across the field

and put me to bed

some summergreen

or harvest no

to awake to nothing

made me a fiend

* in this world where everybody

everybody over, finding truths where theres none and living undercover, over.

*and its a poke to a book, not some strange habit, and this book again refer to Ferrante.

Goodbye Network & Establishment

oh no oh my email too

and my credible acredibilities

Lenü becomes Lila

& thats some fucking tent

waiting forever like

the rainforest with

some hairy hand around my neck

and now I am sorry too

Bukk. (ikke vis fingeren)(det er alltid upassende)(tro meg)))

og teppet går for (gå inn på badet og lukk døren).

Raining Giftful Giving

mmmnnn we cant meet

thugh so soft beard

put page

and looking through appendix

me a

a a a ame

that small pony suits me

and we`re friends, the dog and me,

so pony, dog

any cats too, and a guinea pig perhaps,

cause we`re thoughtful

and now I tell:

listen, pony, cat, dog,

everyone seem to think

they know my inside head

mmm

mm

mna a a a

his ex or some across

the table

looked at me with spite,

mmmm

mmm

aaaamnnnnaa

tree, tree,

no use in us